Rigor Samsa- a psychological exoskeleton that can protect you from pain and contain your anxieties, but always ends up cracking under pressure or hollowed out by time
Or: Jax doesn't only burn bridges.
Jax (The Amazing Digital Circus), Ragatha is there but only for a bit at the end, Gangle is also there briefly,Crayonfic, Sfw agere, Non-Sexual Age Play, Age Regression/De-Aging, Jax destroying the things that could help him feel better, because he thinks destroying them will make him feel better, Light Angst, no regressing in this story but it's a big part of the story, Title is from Beachboy by McCafferty, no happy ending?, it's nothing tragic but it's not happy, written before episode 6, Jax isn't really as mean as I would've like to make him, cartoon logic
Jax's eyes kept meeting the box under his bed as he sat on the floor, limbs sprawled out and glaring at the ceiling like it had the answers he didn't.
That box.
It was there from day one. When he entered his room for the first time and began exploring, it was there. Of course, he opened up the polka-dotted cardboard box, albeit hesitantly, and he saw the array of baby things staring back with the force of a thousand eyes. It mostly held coloring books, action figures, and some childish toys that he did end up making use of for pranks, but the rest of it was a mockery! Like, come on! A pacifier? It was ridiculous in Jax's eyes.
Of course, he never went to Caine about it. Lord knows he can't keep his big mouth shut. So he stuffed the box back under the bed and forgot about it.
Usually, he forgot about it.
Most of the time he did, but sometimes he'd be reminded of its existence if he caught a glimpse under the bed, like now.
It tempted him like a snake. Slithering around his arm and whispering into his ear sweet promises of a painless life. All this baggage could be lifted off his shoulders! Nobody could enter Jax's locked room, so there was no need to worry about intruders! It was a win-win situation! All for the price of a little "sin," which was giving in and regressing.
C'mon, just bite the apple...
But Jax couldn't do it. If he did, it meant he lost the game. Weakness is what kills you in this world.
Somewhere down his train of thought, Jax found himself pondering why. Why was he like this? Well, it all began when-
Jax chuckled bitterly. Nah, that's corny.
He had rolled over on his side and was now staring at that vixen of a box with a harsh gaze. That word creeped back into his mind.
Why?
..It was too human, his mind suggested. The cartoony persona he put up like a brick wall around himself would be shattered. He would have to see the ugly, see past his jerk personality and into his most vulnerable self. And that made him nauseous. Disgusting.
He hated feeling like a person. The fact that he was only human burned the skin he felt like was trapped under his avatar. In this digital world, he could be anything, and the rule of funny could get you very far.
But not far enough, apparently.
Nobody could laugh away the very real and human emotions they felt, even when trapped in the circus, where seemingly anything and everything happened. Except swearing.
Aaaah, but who cares? All this personal analysis is making his head hurt, anyway.
But that snake already had gotten to him and nestled itself comfortably in his head like a worm. A parasite.
Jax sat up, pulling the box out from under his bed. His eyes were dilated, and glazed over.
What's a fruit without the pit?
Jax traced his hands along the polka dots, making him cringe. The box was opened, from which he took out a coloring book and a box of matches from the pocket of this overalls.
And what's a pit without fire?
Jax set the coloring book on the floor and lit a match. Standing up, he tossed the match onto the coloring book.
Luckily, it started to burn. A sardonic smile slowly began to pierce Jax's face until it was pinned from eye to eye. It felt good to finally get rid of that thorn in his side.
Strange how his room wasn't going up in flames. Even though the fire burnt with a realistic glare that brought Jax back to a simpler, more uncomfortably human time, only the coloring book was lit ablaze. He half-expected the book to just disappear, or for nothing to happen at all. Not like Jax was complaining, though. It meant he didn't have to deal with burnt carpet.
And true, he couldn't burn everything, but this was good enough for the moment. He would ditch the pacifier at Gangle's door later. She'd put it to better use than he would, and he'd get to make fun of her. Honestly, he didn't know why he hadn't sooner.
He watched the coloring book's papers shrivel into a powdery grey and white ash. It was a normal reaction, a human reaction, and for once, it was better than anything he could've hoped for.
Even so, that stupid parasite in his brain still wanted to latch onto what could've been.
Well, what could have been? He'd be as good as Gangle, that's what would've been.
This is for the better. This will help him let go.
He doesn't need all this stupid stuff to cope or whatever; he's just fine burning bridges. He never needed any one, or any thing. Being alone was always better for him, anyway. Everyone's either a traitor or will leave you, so why not flip them on their heads and betray them instead?
A stray thought entered Jax's mind as he stared at the charred dust on the ground as it blinked in and out of existence, before eventually disappearing.
...Apples don't have pits, do they?
He scoffed. Well, who cares if they don't? They have seeds, and Jax has more stuff to burn.
---
Knock knock. Gangle cracks open the door, and unfortunately, Jax was standing on the other side, grinning wide. He holds up a black pacifier, the handle hanging from his finger. "I found this the other day. Is it yours, by any chance?" Gangle's eyes widen. She stutters some and shifts her weight some, but eventually she shakes her head. "N-no, that's not mine. Are you sure it isn't a prop or something?" "It's yours, isn't it?" "I told you, it isn't!" "C'mon, you can admit it, you big baby. Nobody else is around." Gangle stutters out some nervous nonsense, before sighing and taking the pacifier in one quick motion, his square irises shrinking slightly. "If it gets you to stop talking..." Jax rolls his eyes, but his grin stays put. Ever since that fast food adventure, she's been more assertive, especially with her comedy mask intact. It was annoying. "That's no way to talk to a friend, is it?" Gangle opens her mouth to retort, but she stops to sniff something in the air. "...Do you smell that?" "Smell what, your audacity?" "It smells like smoke. Is something burning?" "You must finally be going crazy. Honestly, for a wimp like you, I thought it wouldn't take so long." "I'm not crazy!" Gangle squeezes past Jax and into the empty hallway. She looks left and right, before locking eyes with a faint trail of smoke, coming from a bedroom in the distance. "..Is that coming from your room?" "Told you. Going craaaaazy!" Jax rotated his hand in a clockwise motion next to the side of his head. Jax shoves Gangle back into her bedroom and slams the door on her. The familiar sound of her comedy mask shattering into a million pieces on the floor rings throughout his ears, and his smile grows. Hearing her cry out, "my comedy mask...!" never got old. Once he was no longer amused by Gangle's sniveling, he made his way back to his own bedroom. But just down the hall, he spotted Ragatha banging on his door. Jax rolls his eyes and walk over to her. "Jax!" She shouted. "What are you doing in-" Jax clears his throat. Ragatha whips her head around. "Oh, hello there!" Jax's smile drops. "Hey." "I was just looking for you, and then I smelled the smoke coming from your room. I was just wondering what you were doing in there." Jax's smirk quickly returns. "Having a bonfire. Why, do you wanna be fuel? Cotton burns really well~" "Huh- JAX!" Ragatha squealed in her iconic shrill voice. Jax put his hand on Ragatha's head, rubbing her yarn hair in a condescending manner. "Oh, loosen up, Raggy. I couldn't burn this place to the ground if I tried. And trust me, I have." Ragatha crossed her arms and sighed. Her irritated expression was a win for Jax. He shoved her out of the way and entered his room while she was on the ground. By the time Ragatha sat up brushed herself off, the door had already clicked, indicating that it was locked.Ragatha should've known that talking to him would be useless, but she felt the need to try anyway.